Imagine
by Breathe Forever
Summary: Kagome is a suffering artist, dreaming of the one place she was meant to be, but never to belong in. How will Kagome survive knowing that her one true love was just a figment of her imagination?


_**Imagine**_

* * *

**Disclaimer: Do I really need to say it?**

_A peek into Gabby's life:_

**_Music: The Calm Blue Sea - The Rivers That Run Beneath This City_**

**_Drawings: NOOOPPE_**

_My mom's crazy._

_Not just fun crazy, but REAL crazy._

_Five words: Mom. Pissed. Wall. Boyfriend. Head._

_Guesses, anyone?_

_Whatever you guessed your wrong._

_My mom was pissed at her boyfriend so she thought the logical solution was to jump off the couch and ram her head through a wall._

_Did she die?_

_No, but she did get 4 bruises, pressed charges and had to fix the hole her head left._

_She literally rammed it RIGHT through and almost to the other side._

_Ouch._

_Two words: SHE CRAZY._

_But still awesome 'cause she must have one HECK of a headbutt._

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!_

_NOW ONTO THE STORY!_

* * *

She says, words tumbling out in emotions of their own,

" _You've lost touch with reality, Kagome_."

The words come out blue and warm, like ultramarine flames. She's upset. Worried.

I know what she wants.

She wants to heal the wounds left in my heart. She wants to save me from the mental isolation I had stored myself into.

I know she will try and fail. She dosen't understand that while I can no longer blaze a scarlet and can no longer swirl a cold frost, I am still myself.

Only shattered remains, but still here.

* * *

_It was the eve of my sixteenth birthday, I had woken up in snow white, as if stuck in a blizzard with metallic fragments here and there. I heard the heart monitor beep everytime the organ pumped my crimson blood. I figured that I must've gotten into an accident and my hanyou in shining armor had come to the rescue and got me to the nearest hospital._

_I laughed at how anxious he could get about other people, yet when it came down to him, he shrugged it off like it was nothing._

_"Doctor, it seems that she's come to." A nurse reported._

_"Laughing already? She's a toughie; knocked cold for... a year?"_

_My pulse stopped._

_A... year?_

_The monitor beeped for a second, then continued reading my heartbeats._

_No, that's impossible. Maybe they meant I was sleeping for a while?_

_Yeah, that's it._

_"Relax, dear. You look stressed."_

_I glance at the nurse, and was almost afraid of what the outcome would be._

_"How- How... did I get here?"_

_I pointedly look at the IV in my arm._

_"Ah, how to say this..."_

_The Doctor glared at the Nurse. I didn't miss the apprehensive atmosphere; Something happened._

_Something terrible happened to me._

_They didn't want me to freak out._

_"Please..."_

_My voice wavered and pressure was heavy against my lungs._

_"You were in a... coma. For several... months."_

_I sighed shakily._

_"And why?"_

_They seemed surprised by my lack of shouting. Decisions flickered in their umber eyes, and I saw mainly approval._

_They were going to tell me._

_"On your birthday, you fell down the shrine's well and... fractured your skull."_

_I listened quietly. The Nurse looked rather shaken._

_"The fall broke other parts of your body too, including your elbow and ankles. They're healed so don't whine."_

_I nodded and ushered him to finish._

_He blinked._

_"You got a concussion... and fell asleep. You're a miracle, Ms. Higurashi. You could've died, but you didn't. 'Guess Kami wanted to spare you."_

_Silence. My lack of difference seemed to unnerve them._

_I dare ask when exactly I had fallen into my state of almost eternal rest._

_"When?"_

_This startled them._

_"What you mean?"_

_I couldn't say it. This one word was the string my fate held onto. If it was answered right, the thread would get tighter. If answered wrong..._

_"When?"_

_They got the hidden meaning this time._

_"On your..."_

_"Sixteenth? Then that makes me seventeen tomorrow."_

_"..."_

_"What?"_

_"Honey, your fifteen."_

_The answer was wrong. The will to live snapped along with my dreams. My one true love was just... a dream?_

_I will no longer see his handsome face or his silvery white hair anymore?_

_Or... his amber eyes that were the fervent panes to his soul?_

_My heart literally stopped._

_The monitor beeped. I knew I was going into shock, possibly dying from it._

_And I didn't care a single bit._

* * *

"_Yunna, don't worry about me. You're splaying around too much blue_."

I informed. She gave me a funny look.

"_What's with you and that aura stuff? There's no such thing as aura. Maybe souls, but no aura_."

I felt my face soften in a motherly way. She stiffened.

"_Au contraire, everyone bleeds; Just not always on the body. Yet, almost always in the soul. Interesting, ne?"_

Yuuna shook her head. She sparked a little orange. Irritation.

_"Your going overboard with this psychology thing you have goin' on."_

I smiled. _"Maybe..."_

* * *

I head back to my solemn apartment, its rusty bricks a common sight for most New York complexes. The steps have been covered with a slick black, the outsides peeled with age and years of being manhandled.

I always walk. It's nice to know that I can't pollute if I don't have a car. The air's smoldering enough as it is.

I jingle my metal keys as I search for the one to my sector of the separated buildings.

Storage, laundry, safe... ah!

Here it is!

* * *

_Four months after my release from the hospital, I was now sixteen and living my life the way I've dreamed of when I had to go to the feudal era._

_The dreams were so real. So unbelievably nightmarish, yet so amazingly beautiful._

_I've never thought that I'd want to die... until now._

_Anything to hear his gruff voice again. Even if it was raised to yell at me for my clumsiness._

_My family started to worry._

_I ignored my friends._

_I still loved food, but my appetite had decreased so much that I could only eat breakfast and dinner._

_No matter what I did, He always was the first to cross my mind... if He ever left it, that is. The others; Sango, Miroku, Kirara and Shippou, also came into my thoughts, but not as strongly as that one hanyou, Inuyasha._

_It was as if he kept my heart in the past with him._

_Quite literally, too._

_I knew I had severe depression. But the thing was, I actually wanted to stay in it, too._

_I wanted to bask in my memories for as long as I can._

_And that's when it appeared._

_My ticket to being serene again._

_I was sloshing in the rain one long, stormy day and I didn't wear a jacket._

_I didn't want to._

_The drops reminded me of the pure water There, no matter how tainted the shower in front of me was._

_The street was flooded and came up to my boot's ankles. Water rolled down the sides of my face as I gazed out into the distance._

_A glare blinded me._

_I hissed at the pain it caused to my eyes, but then stopped when I saw that it was an old shiny gray plaque attached to a statue._

_It was the statue of Royo Hidan, an American who was mayor in one of the worst times in history._

_I paid the figure no attention, my irises trained solely on a small piece of paper shoved behind the plate._

_I almost didn't see it, with the rectangular piece looking melded, but it wasn't; in fact it was half-off._

_I used my fingernails to dig out the parchment and was even more incredulous as the cream rice paper was still completely dry in this pounding weather._

_It was folded neatly and was brand new by the perfect condition it displayed. Must have been behind there for a few hours, maybe a day._

_I shielded it using my head and smoothed the creases..._

_To expose a picture. Trees were drawn in awe, the branches proportioned realistically. The sky was smothered like a pencil shading, while the trunks of the plants stayed an off-white._

_This was sketched with a japanese-like painting style. And it was so painfully accurate to the greenery in my hanyou's time._

_Motivation and Inspiration._

_The first steps to becoming an artist._

* * *

Closing the bronze door, I make a beeline to the bathroom. Hey, a girl needed to pee.

After all my "needs" were taken care of, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a wooden plank.

I grinned. I should make a quick dinner; A small hamburger with a side of onions and pepper.

Cutting the gassy vegetable, I stifled the weird urge to cry as putrid air hit my face.

I never knew why I didn't just wear goggles when cutting onions. Maybe it's because I keep being scatter-brained?

Yep. That's it.

* * *

_At Seventeen, I had signed up for a new high-school: Saint Maria of Lancaster Cove, in Brooklyn._

_I had to move away from my mother country, Japan, to go to America._

_It wasn't a Catholic school; quite the opposite in fact. It allowed freedom and ability to express yourself._

_Here, I pursued my dreams:_

_To re-create my wildest coma-induced memories._

_I became a fast learner and a faster artist. I was able to draw a full detail picture with shades within thirty minutes._

_I also painted both japanese and traditional._

_My most famous creation was of a Dreamcatcher._

_I flipped over the browning pieces of meat in the pan with a spatula._

_I met Yuuna when I was eighteen, about to turn nineteen. She saw that faraway look in my eyes and cane right up to me and said,_

_"Somethings bothering you."_

_I blink._

_"You know, you can say something."_

_Spaces out._

_"Here's my number."_

_She scribbled her cell onto my sketchpad. I didn't care much. I usually let random people use my sketchpad as their own anyway._

_"Call me if you need someone to talk to."_

* * *

The hamburger sizzled. I scooped it up and drop it sloppily onto the porcelain plate I was holding.

I distractedly think that while I'm reminiscing, my aura must be a sky blue. Pale colors reflect loss of emotion besides sorrow and the blue is angst. My angst being that something feels missing.

I smirk. Something has always been missing; that is, until Inuyasha came along.

His name brings a wave of aquamarine agony to my heart. It always seemed to calm and sadden me at the same time.

My lips turn skyward again. I'll be able to see him soon.

Just make it through dinner.

I start to devour my tiny meal at a hungry wolf's pace. The sooner I'm done, the better.

* * *

_Around twenty, I met up with her again, and surprisingly, she was just happy that we saw each other again._

_As I started to hang out with her more, she reminded me an awful lot about Sango. They're like doubles._

_She's another artist like me, but she dosen't lose herself like I do._

_She asked why I have so many paintings and sketches of my hanyou, and I said,_

_"My dreams."_

_She seemed to have caught on._

_Soon enough, were searching for a good college together. I was skimming through everything barely reading, when an old abandoned school popped up, and like the typical_

_curious person I am, I click on it._

_Soon enough, old schools became asylums and asylums became mental issues._

_Mental issues lead to the mind and after hours on the library's computer, it became Philosophy and Psychology._

_When the librarian hollered at me to get out because it was closing time, I realised two things:_

_1) I'm addicted to computers and_

_2) I'm interested in Psychology._

_Like, majorly, fully._

_I took classes in Psychology at college, and found out that if you had a near-death experience, you'd see ghosts._

_That didn't happen._

_Instead something more interesting happened; I eventually found out my talent in seeing a person's aura in colors._

_That would explain how I could practically read minds._

_After practice with another Psychologist with this ability, I drew out the person's true colors just from one glance._

_The fuzzy halo that surrounded their bodies no longer had meant nothing. Instead, they were given a chance to shine._

_And now here I am, twenty and looking good. I just rented an apartment upstate New York, and am very content with what I have. I came far in my studies and am recognized as an illustrator for both children and adult books alike._

_Recently, I taught myself to lucid dream. So now in a way, I can still see my friends from the feudal era._

_But it's still not as effective as drawing and painting._

* * *

After four years, I'm still missing a piece of the puzzle. A piece of myself.

But I don't care.

When I'm creating, the piece comes together and I can physically walk beside my friends again.

And after all that time, I taught myself to save the anger and sorrow for my drawing time.

The time I can vent out everything and be myself.

Dinner's aftertaste leaves a pleasantly satisfying tingling on my tongue and the best feeling in my stomach. You know that full feeling you get when you eat meat?

That's satisfaction.

Dumping the dishes in the sink, not even bothering the wash off the onion and pepper stains and saunter to my guest room.

Or my Art Studio.

Or my Dream Room.

I opened the white oak door... and exposed my personal heaven.

Pictures hung on the walls, some were of a certain lush forest and some were representations of both my dreams and nightmares.

Unfinished paintings were on the six easels that stayed up strong. The navy walls were spattered with mislead oil paints and crumbled bits of failed sketches littered the grey rugs.

A lone desk with the light on was in a solemn corner, beaming down on the ready piece of thick paper.

My years and years worth of collected art supplies were scattered around the piece. Sitting down in the maroon rolly chair, I carefully picked up the japanese painting utensils and dipped it in the black paint that I poured a second ago.

And then...

* * *

_A black stroke swept downwards and framed the edge of a narrow face._

_"Should I give up?"_

_The bangs were gracefully added to the masculine head._

_"Should I just stop trying to meet you again?"_

_Tautness was present in the boy's expression once the lips were formed, his face still eye-less._

_He spoke, being able to speak now._

_"You know the answer to that, Kagome."_

_I frowned._

_Growling was heard._

_"No, you stupid girl! Don't give up."_

_My face brightened. His long hair was done with and his strong shoulders popped into view._

_"You really mean that? You don't want me to give up?"_

_Fluffy dog ears perched on the boy's cranium, and finally..._

_His warm, intense eyes. Showing the pain and suffering he went through, yet also a gentle kindness behind a masqueraded tough guy act._

_"Keh..."_

_His voice faded away, smooth and reassuring._

_He didn't want me to give up._

_I smiled the brightest I've had for days._

_Now for the real adventure..._

* * *

_"Inuyasha!"_

_Said dog-boy turned with white eyes. A bright ruby plopped onto his haori and hakama._

_"Hey, Kagome. What's up with you? You look like you were stampeded by a pack of wolf demons."_

_I felt a large piece of metal whack me in the head._

_"Ahhh... well..."_

_Emerald and forest green shaded the scenery._

_"Don't tell me... Kouga DID stampede you didn't he?! Oh he'll get a butt-whoopin' for ever laying a hand on you!"_

_I giggled as a majestic, yet untamed silvery-white colored his tresses. Splotches of added leaves blew in the still-invisible breeze._

_He eyed me like I was a donkey with two heads._

_He never saw a donkey._

_"What's so funny, wench?!"_

_I laughed even more at his antics. He's so oblivious._

_"You always worry about me, Inuyasha."_

_He blinked. A golden tan spread across his alabaster skin._

_Rubbing the back of his neck, he glared at the surroundings._

_A fit of laughter made his head whip in my direction._

_Soft, perky akita-ears lifted._

_His lips cracked into a genuine smile, and chuckling sounded from deep within his chest._

_His eyes turned golden and a foreign emotion sparked like an intense fire in his molten orbs._

_He froze. Stuck like that for eternity._

* * *

The picture was done. Finished.

I lifted up the sheet and observed my hanyou.

I got it. This is exactly how I remember him.

Confident jaw, thick shoulders and everything.

And just looking at his profile made my heart ache even more. I guess that sometimes you need to vent some other way, right?

I collapsed onto the spotted carpet, clutching the portrait to my hiccuping chest.

That night, I spent my time stifling the nostalgia I was about to let loose through my eyes, oozing pure hoary.

Morning light shone down on my closed eyelids, stirring me out of my deep sleep.

I glanced at the picture to my right, it somehow managing to not get smothered during my baby-fit.

Baby-fit. WHY did I cry anyway? I can usually contain my temper so why couldn't I hold in my tears?

'Guess all those years of holding them in caused it all to bubble up and pop. Not even drawing could vent my sorrow.

I missed him so much.

Too much. It's kinda hard to believe he was just a dream. With all his flaws and pain, he made up for with his hidden kindness and just... perfection.

To me he is perfection. Nothing less. Maybe even more.

Isn't just pitiful that my true love was just a figment of my imagination?

... Maybe I HAD lost touch with reality after all.

* * *

Before long, I had yet again sunk into a deep depression. Unlike most people though, my depression made me love drawing even more.

I drew pictures of what could have been, and of what never happened in the first place.

My palette eventually smeared with strangled and hardened colors, dying it a disgusting shade of brown-green-gray.

Carnation stained the canvas in front of me, defining the last trivial color of the sunset beholding me.

How I wish I could just escape this world and go where I knew I was meant to be, but never to belong in.

Time ticked by...

Days went by...

And on the fifth day, I started shaking. The paintbrush slipped from my grasp and clattered to the floor. My mind went hazy.

I heard a dull thud before my mind stilled.

I heard a choke above me.

"_Oh God, Kagome, what have you done now?"_

My senses were disconnected. I barely noticed I was covered up to my neck in a delicate snow white blanket and my nose and mouth were covered with an oxygen mask.

I forgot to eat...

For five days...

The voice was Yuuna's. I knew that already. She was the only one I had left. Drifted from my family the moment I turned seventeen.

Self-pity was rough against my ribs.

I guess I just wasn't meant to belong in either dimension after all.

I laughed. It echoed inside the mask and my breath hit me back on the face.

_"Kagome! My God, did you give me a heart attack. You're going to be just fine,?"_

I didn't bother to nod. Yunna and I both know where this was heading.

A loud sigh escaped from my lips.

Depression really is a bi-

_"Kagome, you ARE going to be fine. Promise me, okay?"_

I smiled.

_"I won't promise something I can't keep, Yuuna."_

It was battered, weak. As if talking hurt.

And it did.

Faint whispers molded into the distance after my eyes started drooping.

An unfamiliar emptiness seared in my stomach and reached my throat.

But then stopped.

Still there, but yet not.

I heard a shout that failed to bring me to awareness.

_"Kagome!"_

... I was already far away, flying on my own accord, ready to make my dreams my very essence.

* * *

FAIL. Yes, I failed EPICALLY! Rushed at the end because it's 30 minutes until tomorrow and I gotta publish this before my mom's bday ends.

Oh! The music was actually not Shockwave - Moving...

It was Dan Phillipson - Moving Spaces.

Oh, Yes...

Moving Spaces...

*** huggles ***

_Ja ne~_

_Breathe Forever_


End file.
